anxiety

 

When I went to the ER they gave me meds for a headache and it helped.

But let me tell you a little about my anxiety.

I have anxiety and depression.

You have read all those things about having anxiety and depression.

yeah yeah.

But let me tell you about what happened when I was in the ER

I was given Reglin – its part of the meds they give you for the headache.

i remember the nurse telling me “If you push reglin too fast it can make your patients crazy” I know all the meds you have to push slow and even if I don’t have them memorized the glorious thing in the computer called MAR tells us exactly how to give the med.

Anyways. I know my nurse pushed it slow we talked about a few things over the 2 minutes that she pushed it.

After she left the room I remember thinking, now what.

My headache was gone- I should have been happy.

But instead my IV site started itching and I was thinking. I can’t be here. I just want to pull this IV out and go lay in my own bed. I don’t have  a headache right now. I didn’t know what that feeling was like. It was driving me crazy – cue the anxiety people! .

I thought oh i will turn the TV, so I did and then immediately I turned it off – thinking now this is a bad idea. So then I sat there and stared straight ahead- still kind of going CRAZY..

so then I heard the ticking of the clock. It was above the door. I could hear the second hand ticking.

It was 9:40.

I started counting. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, ….50, 51, 52,53,54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 1, 2,

and I did that over and over again.

I laid my head down, closed my eyes and counted.

I don’t think my mom noticed. She thought I was sleeping  – but I don’t think I ever did.

I remember still counting and I sat up to see the clock at 10:40.

It had been an hour.

I knew they were planning on taking me for a CAT scan. and I didn’t remember going.

So I called the nurse to ask her and she was coming into take vitals anyway. by the time she was done with that. the radiology gal was there to take me to my scan.

I don’t know what it was about those first 10 minutes of meds that made me go insane.

but that clock really helped.

Most people are so annoyed with those ticking clocks. But that night i was so thankful for that little noise.

Now, I would like to have that ticking clock right beside my bed to count those ticks as I relax and do my best to fall asleep.

goodnight my sweet friends.

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