I’ve been thinking lately how well things are going and how good life is and I think “gosh I am lucky”. But, you know what I am realizing? Its not luck. Its being blessed. Its about deserving it.
I love my job. I worked hard to get through nursing school. I worked hard to get the reputation I have at the hospital. I work hard to learn things and do them well so that people notice. You do not get a job by being lucky. you don’t get a job you love with luck. You get there by working for it and you deserve it! So I deserve it. And now that I earned it, I work hard to keep it because that is what I have to do to keep it.
My family is the best. Now, this I didn’t have to work for, I didn’t have to earn my family. But I do have to work for the relationships. I have to work to keep the relationships strong. I have to work to be spend time with them, not in the bad way, but in the way that a relationship is a two way street. I can’t expect my mom to always be the one to do things for me and me never do things for her. My mom can’t always be the one to call me. I need to call her. and that is why she and I have the close relationship that we do.
Sometimes I learned that there are exceptions to these rules.
My grandparents have both been fighting cancer the past 2 years. First my grandpa with colon cancer. Then my granny had breast cancer came back after 16 years of being in remission. Then they found cancer in some of my grandpa’s lymph nodes. This has been particularly hard for me because I am not in contact with this side of my family. I have my aunt and uncle and cousins on Facebook and I call my grandparents every so often. I do not communicate with them as much as I should though. So I have a lot of guilt from that. but, the only thing I can do now is change it.
The one thing about my family is that no matter how long it may have been since we talked they always reached out and said happy birthday, they always sent a christmas gift to me even when I wasn’t there. they think about me even when I don’t think they would. for that I am blessed.
So, my 22nd birthday was just a few days ago and it was the first time in 22 years that I hadn’t heard from my grandparents to wish my happy birthday. I was having mixed emotions, upset, worried, abandoned, and just depressed.
I was upset for obvious reasons, it was my birthday they are my grandparents.
I was worried because it wasn’t like them to forget things like that no matter what my grandma would call me in the morning and my grandpa would call me from the office during the day sometime. So, to not hear from them I was just worried about their health.
I was feeling abandoned because I was thinking “have I been forgotten?”
Overall depressed just because of this mix of emotions.
I went to my grandpa’s office to see him yesterday. Its been a while since I have seen him. I was able to surprise him and he was really happy to see me, as he always is. My grandpa is 88 years old, still practicing law (basically full time), and going to physical therapy multiple times a week. My grandpa has always been very hard working. He walks a little slower now, but he doesn’t let it slow him down mentally. He is still so smart and so funny and always has a story to share. I sat there and talked to him for about an hour talking about school and my job and how he was doing.
It was so nice to see him. and it put all those feelings away. He has so much going on that forgetting my birthday isn’t really a big deal, but knowing that he is still in good spirits is a big deal! so that made me extremely happy.
After I got home I called my grandma at home to talk and she didn’t answer. but, she called me back a few hours later and we got to talk. and the first thing she said was “I am so sorry that I didn’t call you on your birthday” I told her how it was okay that I know she has a lot going on right now and I was just worried that something was wrong. She went on to tell me that she was not busy enough for that to be an excuse as to why she didn’t call me for my birthday and that she simply got the months mixed up and thought it was next month not this month. It was enough to just know that something wasn’t wrong with either of them, simply that it just slipped their mind.
I got to spend time talking to each of them and telling them about work and school and so much more that my day was totally made. I had so much relief and was so grateful knowing that they were both doing well.
I am blessed that I have got to grow up with both sets of grandparents in my life along with knowing 3 of my great grandparents.
Now, on to Nick.
Everyday there is something else I learn about Nick that just makes me like him more and more. He is wonderful but, I won’t list all the reasons now why he is so wonderful.
I have been thinking that I am so lucky to have found him.
But, I deserved to find him and he deserved to find me. We each had some crappy relationships in the past and different struggles in life. We were both raised a little differently but we are who we are today.
Lately we have been both getting the “we are perfect” signs.
It is kinda crazy how similar we are.
on my birthday I went to Dunkin’ Donuts for coffee and a free donut – and he sent me a text later saying “I went to Dunkin too, we are so perfect” We do things and don’t tell each other we are doing them beforehand and we do the same thing.
Later we went to the store to buy swim suits so we could go swimming and we were looking for trunks for him and we had our backs to one another and we said at the same time “How about these?” turned around and it was the same pair, it was a joke pair, not even like a serious pair we would get. Then I said well how about this one and I picked up another pair and said “But really how about these?” and he was saying “I want these but I don’t see my size” Looked up and he had the same pair in his hands that I did but I had his size in my hand. – something so silly but we picked up the same thing.
He was outside working on his yard this weekend and he burns pretty easy. and I said to him “Don’t forget sunscreen today!” and he said “I really think you read my mind, I just applied it like 4 minutes ago!”
We have only known each other for 61 days people. So, its not like I know him well enough to just know what he is going to do or think. We are just so alike that we think the same way.
So, then It happened again. I was on my way home so I was talking to him on the phone and I said something about there still being wine in his fridge at home and he goes did I tell you I was drinking wine? and I said no, I was just thinking that I bought a bottle and never drank it and thought you would like it and he goes oh well, I was pouring a glass of wine when you called me.
Its just crazy little things like that when we realize that we are so similar. and It means even more that he realizes the little small similarities like that.
and with him,I did not get lucky. I got blessed and I deserved to find him. I deserve someone that has as much passion for their job as I do mine. I deserve someone who notices the small things.
Nick is pretty fantastic and I am definitely enjoying the time we get to spend together. He spoiled me for my birthday also, he is a keeper!